“When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: The people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous, and surly. They are like this because they can’t tell good from evil. But I have seen the beauty of good, and the ugliness of evil, and have recognized that the wrongdoer has a nature related to my own–not of the same blood or birth, but the same mind, and possessing a share of the divine. And so none of them can hurt me. No one can implicate me in ugliness. Nor can I feel angry at my relative, or hate him. We were born to work together like feet, hands, and eyes, like the two rows of teeth, upper and lower. To obstruct each other is unnatural. To feel anger at someone, to turn your back on him: these are obstructions.”
Marcus Aurelius (Meditations, 2.1)
This is the mantra I try to live my life by.
The root of this is to simply be kind. Every person has their own struggles. I can’t be inside someone else’s mind, so who am I to judge? I don’t have to react to a perceived wrong-doing with vitriol. I can accept the fact that someone treating me unpleasantly is suffering, possibly in a way not even consciously known to them. I am not the root of their suffering, so I don’t have to bear that responsibility.
People can be frustrating, but they only continue to frustrate me if I let them. There’s a quote I read somewhere that says something like: if a feeling comes into your mind, you don’t have to invite it in for tea. You can let the ghost pass through you. Feel the quiet discomfort of someone else’s nonacceptance of what is, but don’t hold on to it. We are living this life to cooperate and work together. We need one another to survive and thrive.
While I can’t control the perceptions or actions of others, I can control myself. I can choose not to be someone who puts my own suffering on other people. I can accept the fact that other people are doing the best they can, even though it might not be by the same measure as mine. I have to let people be who they are.
Because as we all know, we aren’t always our best selves. I won’t judge anyone for acting in a way that I, myself wouldn’t want to be judged for. Let go of criticism and judgment. They only lead to bitterness and make me more paranoid about criticism and judgment being levied against me. Better to look for the good in people and focus on that. The world becomes a better place when I do that.
There are endless things to be upset by. Why not instead pay attention to the things that bring me joy? I’m not saying this is easy. But it’s a challenge worth taking. Choose not to be upset by things outside of your control, and your world will change. Peace and happiness are always available. It’s all around me. I just have to believe in it. Believe in the power of friendship. I got hippy-dippy there, but it’s the truth, or at least what I understand to be the truth. My reality is my perceptions, so be aware of them.
Be intentional with where you are focusing your attention and energy. Don’t let people steal it without your permission. Choose to focus on what is within your control. The things that you can actually affect. Free yourself from the influence of other’s actions.
I think that is what this particular Emperor of Rome was getting at here. What do you think?
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