Happy Sunday!
My feet hang five feet over rocks and weeds.
I’m sitting on a concrete flood wall alongside the Elbow River. A warm wind rustles the branches overhead. No risk of flood here today.
Sun glints off the knee-deep water. Three people drift by on inflatable floaties, tied together, spinning at a snail’s pace with the current. Across the river, pristine backyards slope toward the water.
I chew on a mechanical pencil. Bic 0.7mm. My notebook sits on the rough stone to my right. Questions are scribbled on the open page.
What activities give me energy?
Two blank lines.
What am I doing just for the joy of it?
More empty space.
What do I want life to look like six months from now?
No answers yet.
I’m tempted to jump down to touch the river. I pause for two reasons. 1) I’m not 100% sure I can get back up. 2) Another group is floating by in full conversation.
I feel awkward, sitting alone in the bushes. One guy says hello because that’s the human being thing to do. I force a smile and return the greeting.
Truth is, I am trying to hide. At least metaphorically. I’m down by the river to work through my Sunday scaries. Ten days off work to start the month. My brain is spinning the same old tunes.
What does work/life balance look like?
Where am I investing my lifeforce?
How do I stay young in spirit?
Feels good to write them down, even if I don’t have the answers. I set the notebook aside again as a gust of wind blows by. My list of questions goes with it.
The page sweeps down to the bank. It catches on a weed before rolling over and fluttering across the rocks toward the water. Shit.
I weigh my options. Jump down and maybe get stuck. Or sit here and definitely lose the paper to the lazy river flow. Screw it.
I hop down and scramble through thistle and over rounded stones. I snatch up the page a mere metre from the shore (it really wasn’t that close or that dramatic, but we gotta spice it up, ya know?)
I fold the page and stick it in my pocket as I walk to the edge of the water. I dip my hands. The water is warm and refreshing. I wander back to the wall to see what I’m up against. Tall but not too tall.
With some scrambling and grasping, I’m up. Back on the concrete wall, feeling a bit lighter and a lot more capable.
A 5-foot jump turned into a strange leap of faith metaphor.
That afternoon down by the river was the last day of my longest break from work in 2+ years. Ten days felt huge going in. Long enough to rest and catch up on everything I’d been blaming work for not doing.
With more time, I could write more, think more, figure out what I wanted, get some distance, and come back with a clearer picture.
Then, as these kinds of things tend to go, my expectations didn’t line up with reality. It was a great week, but Sunday arrived suddenly. Too fast for my liking. I thought I needed more of that elusive time. I was wrong.
I’d had plenty of time off. Hosting family. Eating, drinking, playing. But almost all of it was filled with something.
I needed empty time. Space to let myself be.
Sitting by the river, I let the questions stop feeling like problems. I stopped demanding answers from myself.
That was more than enough for that day.
August in 3 snapshots
🦦 Lazy day Bow River rafting – celebrated the arrival of August with a Calgary classic. Seventeen years in the city and somehow this was only my second time floating the Bow. Four-ish hours of sunshine, beers, and soaking in the sights as they passed by. Shame I don’t do it more often. Lazy days are good days.
🧑🧑🧒 Hosting J&A&M – our favourite NoCo residents visited us from the Lower Mainland for four nights. We sampled the local cuisine, explored the neighbourhood, and stayed up late playing poker dice. Fun seeing the city through fresh eyes. A nice little bookmark to split up the summer.
🍺 GF beer hunt – randomly found a delightful gluten-free beer out of Milwaukee called New Grist IPA. It disappeared as mysteriously as it arrived. I don’t consider myself a brand loyal guy, but I called liquor stores and went out of my way to find this beer again. Tracked down a new source. Now they’re running low..
3 lessons learned in August
I. Disinterest follows frustration. Feeling annoyed means you care. But that feeling only holds for so long. If nothing changes, the care fades. Apathy arrives before you know it’s coming. Stuck in between is a dangerous place. Accept it or act on it.
II. Hard work doesn’t always bear desirable outcomes. It’s easy to grind on the wrong things. Your ability to keep going doesn’t mean you should. Everyone loves a grinder, but brute force becomes a crutch. You keep hammering until you can’t. Be careful what you grind for.
III. Poor communication translates as a lack of caring. Connection fractures in the open space of what’s left unsaid. You fill the gaps with assumptions, usually bad ones. Presume distance, then disengage. The cycle spins until someone decides to stop it. Let the story go and just reach out.
3 interesting things
- Nepal flood reconstructed minute by minute – YouTube (2.5mins)
Saw some of the day-of footage. Thought to myself, “how does that much force happen?” Glaciers, that’s how. Fascinating and terrifying. - Canada casually explained – YouTube (8mins)
This nails the nuances of Canada vs. every other country in a way that made me laugh out loud. Entertaining, educational, and aggressively Canadian. - Mickey 17 – Netflix (movie)
I almost waited to read the book first. Then it popped up on Netflix, so much for that. Love me some Robert Pattinson. Fun sci-fi, good story, healthy dose of absurdity. Right up my alley.
I’ll leave you with a quote 🤔
“The number of hours we have together is actually not so large. Please linger near the door uncomfortably instead of just leaving. Please forget your scarf in my life and come back later for it.”
— Mikko Harvey
Until next time,
remember to live and let go,
Scotty
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